changes

Ah, the teenager days. This girl right here wouldn't be caught dead by myself in my parent's house when school was out or if I didn't have to work. I hated to be myself. I didn't want to miss anything. I felt "lame" for not hanging out with friends & doing those things that dumb teenagers sometimes do.

My oh my how things have changed....

I got married & BAM "oh where oh where has my social life gone, oh where oh where could it beeeee"

It's been tough here lately. Being married, my husband being deployed, & my sometimes crazy work schedule has turned me into a bit of a recluse. Oh & not to mention that I lost two people I thought were friends. I'm cool with it though. This whole reclusiveness has turned into countless random shopping trips, whole days spent in bed, & sheer laziness. Sometimes I feel incredibly alone even though I know I have the hubster, my family, about 4 friends, & of course my awesome God. That's all deployment's fault. I'm not even gonna lie. I don't like the way it makes me feel.

I used to be with my girls almost everyday. Now, I'm no longer friends with two and for the rest of my friends, seeing them and spending time with them is a rarity. I have NO social life. lol. I feel like an old married woman but I'm only 21!

This is a learning experience. I've learned how to be okay with being alone. I'm going to be alone a lot. Q will deploy every other year for at least 3 more years. That puts me in Virginia Beach, 800+ miles away, and a 12 hour drive away from "home". I suppose I could move back home during those deployments but I don't want to. I rarely see my friends & family & I'm living here so it wouldn't be that much of a difference if I stay in VA.

I can go days without talking to anyone. I'm incredibly independent, & now I like being by myself more than I like to be around other people. That's only because, 80% of the time I'm battling with the stresses and heartbreak of deployment & who wants to be around a negative nancy? Although, I try my hardest not to be a party pooper and grin & bear it, I'm not happy. I'm pissed off at the world pretty much but no fear, I don't take it out on anyone & I'd never act that way towards anyone. You'd never know about the storm going on inside unless you truly know me or if something sparks it.

*For example, last week I was in a store looking at "Our first Christmas" Christmas ornaments and kid you not, Lee Greenwood's God Bless the USA came on. I boo hoo'ed in the middle of that aisle. Ah, really God?!?!!? ;)*

I'm learning to deal with all of these "changes". Some days are better than others. Nights, on the otherhand, always suck. There won't be any changing that. It COULD be worse. I'm thankful for the good days & for the bad because the bad teaches me to really appreciate those good ones.

Well, it's off to see what kind of randomness I can get myself into today! :)