Monday Monday....

I work weekends from 1:30 pm til whenever the crazies, drunks, & meth heads decide to chill out. I get off anywhere from midnight-2am. If you know me, then you know that I'm an insomniac so the time frame of when I get off doesn't bother me at all. It's the putting on the happy face that's going to be the death of me. I leave whatever problems I have in the parking lot of the hospital, I put on my smile, & clock in. Sunday night, while talking to a 50-something lady she told me that I seemed like Q being gone didn't bother me. It took every ounce of willpower in my body not to snap my fingers, cock my head, and say "oh no you didn't". How insensitive & how wrong. Being the polite & classy young lady that I am, I let her know real quick like that just because I'm smiling at work, being very attentive and talkative with my patients, does not mean that I don't miss my husband.

Pretending to be happy and slapping a smile on my face all weekend completely sucks the life out of me. Mondays are spent in bed. I literally have no energy to get up and do anything. I sleep all day. It takes a lot to open my eyes & I have no motivation to do it. I don't cry during the day. I don't cry in front of other people. Nights are another story. I have no control over what happens in this Navy lifestyle. I knew what I was getting myself into and that my whole life was going to change as soon as I said "I do". What I didn't know was that it would take genuine effort to be happy and that I would be putting my dreams & such on hold. I want to actually live with the hubster, decorate our home,  I want to go on dates with my husband, I want to go on vacations, sneak away for the weekend. I want to be married. I want babies and lots of em' (four peanut butter kiddies to be exact). Not necessarily right now, but I want nothing more than to be a mommy. That's my ultimate dream & well when the future baby daddy is a bazillion miles away, that poses a problem with this whole baby making thing.

I'm beyond ready to start our lives together and I'm looking forward to happier days....